Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
