I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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