i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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