help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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