he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
