I'm lost and stupid without you.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize
