A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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