It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
