i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
being pregnant is like rehab
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize