i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
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