pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
