Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
