allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
