Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
