New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
