that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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