Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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