I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
