we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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