He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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