Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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