Whod you bang
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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