I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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