The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
