i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
