I think i sorta joined a cult last night
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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