i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
