i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
