____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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