I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
