I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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