so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
