ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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