Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
