Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
