I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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