I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
