I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
