i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
