Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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