He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
