Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
