you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
