Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just googled if crying burns calories
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
