I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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