Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
