Your tits are I can't wait for
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
