I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
