Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize