This is not my ceiling
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
