How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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