Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
