My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm at about main and main street
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I touched a dick in church today
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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