I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
