She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
