you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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