He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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