upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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