Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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