dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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