I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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