Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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