I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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