i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
