I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
