Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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