one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
